Sean Taylor and his Jewish cousin took high tea to new heights at this year's Splendour in the Grass...
After our Hippie Camper (called Paul) was strip searched for drugs and alcohol by an angry security guard, Justin The Rabi (my Californian cousin) and I safely arrived to Splendour in the Grass, one of Australia's largest three-day music festivals.
As the sun set we drove past thousands of campsites until we were directed to the square of grass we called home for the next three days.
Thanks to a brand new kettle, our friend Jack Daniels snuck in. With Paul pumping Triple J we downed a few painful whiskey shots to get the blood pumping before a big night of live music and sweat.
Now buzzing off the walls we hiked over a mountain and into the main festival area.The bass vibrated the earth and already I was drooling over the amazing smells coming from the food tents.
The first set we caught was British electro punks Does It Offend You Yeah? After watching their energetic madness we wriggled out through the crowds and into the Gold Bar.
Three Jager Bombs later, we were slightly swaying and ready to immerse ourselves in the filth of the mosh pit and get dirty to one of my favourite bands, Blue Juice. Like watching a cocaine-fuelled Tron orgy, Blue Juice dressed in glowing neon suits kept me excited, sweaty and dancing until my clothes were stretched.
We made a detour via the Mexican cantina for some sensational burritos, then to the Gold Bar for Jager and conversation with other drinking enthusiasts, before we hiked with crowds over to the amphitheatre where thousands waited for hip-hop superstar Kanye West to appear. We found ourselves perched up the back where the detail was blurry but the views were epic.
Kanye tore it up with stunning visuals joined by an entourage of ballerinas, and considering we were about as close to the stage as Justin was to igniting any splendour romance the ampitheatre provided flawless acoustics.
As the kettle was full of whiskey, a cup of tea was out of the question so we settled hangovers with energy drinks mixed with Bacardi.
After I accidentally long nap I woke up devastated I missed Bloc Party's Kele and a highly anticipated set from Foster the People. I got on my party feet back and headed to the bar only to find Justin the Rabi creeping on to some blondes...
Bidding farewell we found the tent where Muscles was onstage being ambushed by giant dancing koalas. Fearful of being raped by raver marsupials we left and let the nose guide us to tasty pizza and nachos.
Before we knew it we had been radically serenaded by Mars Volta, got up close to The Living End, and became electrified by DJs The Aston Shuffle. With several pit stops to the Gold Bar to rejuvenate the dancing shoes Justin the Rabi and I were having a splendid time. We repeatedly screamed out "wild strawberries" to dance pop band PNAU as they headlined the second night and put on a killer show. We got sweaty in the Tipi Forest to some intense dubstep before heading back to Paul pass out.
After having a few happy day-three drinks with our neighbours we set out and watched Drapht, and caught some well-known songs from Kaiser Chiefs which was followed by one of my highlights Cut Copy.
After one last amazing feed of Kofta Balls washed down with lemon and ginger ale our night ended with a huge finale by Coldplay saying goodnight with power pop rock, multicoloured lasers and fireworks.
Deciding to set the alarm for 7am we had our final night in Paul and sadly bid farewell to the magical lands of Splendour in the Grass.